30 days to go

It has been a more difficult week these past few days as I really struggled to drink the minimum of 4 litres of water a day! Not sure why but know that the more I drink the more weight I lose. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the weight loss is no longer the main focus thus associating it with the amount of water I am drinking??? Having said that it is "that time of the month" and I have been feeling the usual bloatedness, tired and moody self. I was pleased though as I did lose another 2.6 pounds which is the most I have lost during this predictable time of the month - normally 1.5 to 2 pounds maximum. Also I have started gym which for my health is great but you do tend to pick up the pounds as muscle weights more than fat. I would rather look toned and be fit than.

We have lost a few more members of our group either due to them being close to their goal weight already or personal circumstances. I feel that the people in our group and the weekly meetings have really brought I close together and many of us are still very focused and committed to the programme. We have 30 DAYS left of our 100 day 1st phase of the programme and we have all decided to give it our best shot so that we make the most of it. We were discussing the options of going onto additional phases in the programme or extending the "food abstinence" programme for another 4 weeks at a time. Each person has to decide for themselves what is the right solution for them. I personally feel that I would like to start re-introducing conventional food back into my life so that I can see I cope around "real food". At the same time I will probably still have another 3 stone to lose after I finish the 100 days, but I am comfortable with that as I am in it for the long term and will continue to lose weight with the next phase even though it may be considerably slower as my body adjusts to conventional food again. I will have to make a final decision closer to the time as I don't want to rush this decision. The last stretch now so really trying to stay focused and positive and just work mainly on my "crocked thinking"!

1 month 1 week

Today is a good day. Lost 4.2 pounds yesterday after a hard week of feeling down as I had the beginnings of flu and a wisdom tooth extracted! I was able to avoid the dreaded viruses going around at work thanks to the minerals and vitamins in the food packs that we get! Also struggled this week with feelings of being deprived and "how unnatural shakes, soups and food bars are" when all those in the pub around you are eating normal food and "I should (bad word) be able to do that too!" Some crooked thinking me thinks!

I quickly changed my thoughts to " I have chosen this programme and I do not feel hungry and I am not being deprived of what I need and will be able to eat normal food soon". How our thoughts can make us feel! Interesting how that translates into how we behave - traditionally I would have ordered the largest plate of food and stuffed myself and then felt guilty and horrible afterwards. Instead I took another sip of my "lovely" coffee and a gulp of water and smiled! A small victory in the battle against myself! We are doing thought diaries now which is challenging in itself as you really start to understand how negative and hard one can be to one's self. I don't like to delve too deeply as I don't really find analysing everything in too much detail helpful. Recognising something is half way to solving it. I believe quite frankly life is just too short!

We lost one of members from the group this week, which I think was very hard for everyone as we all want each other to succeed. Actually we have been very lucky with 13 members of our group as most of us are still hanging in there. It is difficult having done 2 months of the programme as the weight is not so much the main motivation now, it is more about thinking feeling individuals. This can be very challenging as it means we really need to focus on thoughts, feelings and behaviour and once you open that can of worms a lot of other "stuff" comes out! We are not always ready for it but I say bring it on - it is time to change my life and take control! Here's to a great week one and all!

Another Mile Stone

Finally I have reached another goal - 3 STONE or 19kg lighter! Funny this time I don't feel so excited about it. It is probably because I now EXPECT to lose weight every week? I don't want to down play the fact that I have reached another goal I set myself (and have lost a 5th of my body weight), but it seems less important than the challenge of sticking to something with such intense dedication and motivation.

My attention has gone from weight loss to dealing with my thoughts, feelings and behaviour and the potential of "lapsing" which is now something our whole group is dealing with. It's the issue of being "perfect" in the way we deal with our lives when perfection does not really exist. We put so much pressure on ourselves and if we are not we might as well give up and pig out! I have learnt that life will always throw challenges to test us and it is how we chose to deal with those "knocks" in life that is important. You can either give up entirely because you can say to yourself "I always fail at these types of things" or you could chose to say" I lapsed and have learnt from it and now I want to get straight back onto the programme and continue my progress". It is all about choices at the end of the day.

I joined the gym this week which was great as well as starting a Pilates course with some of the girls from the group. So now I have a variety of exercise to help tone and increase my fitness. Unfortunately I have now come down with a dose of flu which will hopefully go soon! Typical whenever I start exercising I always get the flu - one of those little challenges life throws at us.

Here are some more photo's of my progress so hopefully you can now see that my waist is returning (very happy about this). I am trying to keep the photo's consistent so that you can see the comparison but the trousers I was wearing in the last ones do not fit any more so I have had to buy smaller ones - what can I say?! Enjoy.....................

What is it about the game?

Recently I went with my partner (and avid fan of footie) and a female friend (a huge fan of Arsenal footie) to a Arsenal vs Reading live football match at the new Emirates stadium. I was overwhelmed with the 60,154 people sitting around the stadium for a 90 min game of men running around after a small white ball! But I have to say what an amazing experience! Believe it or not I really enjoyed it as I could actually relate to what the game was all about. I know I sound like a loony but hear me out.........it is just like the game of losing weight! Why......well we need to be focused, we need rules, we need discipline, we need to overcome obstacles (being tripped up, shooting for a goal and it hitting the cross bar), we need our team members to help play the game and we are all trying to score our individual goals! I have tried so many new experiences that I normally would not have bothered with especially if they didn't involve food! How sad that I have missed out on sooooooooooo much. I am making up for it with plans to keep doing something new each week! Try it, it's liberating and it makes life exciting!

We are now 50 days into the 100 day programme or the start of week 8. What a interesting week we have had! Discussions about lapsing (cheating to those not in the know of our language), not being able to drink enough water and not eating all four packs a day. It really is amazing how we are coping with all these challenges each week and coming together to share our experiences. I have to say that the ladies in our group are incredible individuals! They have overcome so many obstacles in their lives and are now going through one of the most challenging experiences they will ever face. They do it so honestly and with so much dedication that I feel lucky to be part of their lives! If it wasn't for them I would not still be in the programme. Thank you to you all for your continuous support, belief in what we are doing and total dedication that we can go out for "drinks" and still be able to enjoy ourselves having ordered bottles of sparkling water!

At this weeks group session, we learnt about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy or CBT. This is the REAL stuff that makes this programme so life changing. It is all about how we think, feel and behave in our live. It will help us to recognise the "crooked thinking" patterns and the "I should" from "if I wanted to I could" attitude that really has a major impact in how we treat ourselves. As one of our team members said it time for us to stop being our own worse critics and giving ourselves a break. Finding a balance in how we think, feel and act will go a long way to helping us manage how we deal with our impulse to eat. This is going to be interesting time for all of us as it will be challenging, difficult, liberating and even life changing if we really take these next few weeks on board so watch this space.

I am really excited as I am now 3 pounds off 3 stone weight loss but even more exciting is how great I am feeling! Mentally I believe that this programme has done more for me than the weight loss on its own. I am not saying that it isn't a great motivation but this is about a lifestyle change and not a quick fix weight loss programme. Once the 100 days are up we then move onto a 3 month programme to re-introduce conventional food back into our lives and learn how to manage real food in the real world! After that is completed we are still in it for another year at least to make sure that the weight loss is permanent and that we really have changed our relationship with food to be healthy and positive. Our friends, family and work colleagues support is really important to us as it keeps us mentally motivated and proud of the incredible achievement we make each week we stick to this challenging programme. Come back next week for the 3 stone photo shoot which should be one to remember!

Thank you for all your encouraging comments and e-mails and I really hope that I can keep inspiring people to realise how special they are and how life can be everything we want it to be.

HALF WAY

Now at 7 weeks into the 14 week process and I have now lost 2 stone 7 pounds! Feeling great! I will try and post pictures each time I lose another stone so that hopefully you can notice the progress.

Last week was not a great week! Our group was a little down as we had all lost a small amount of weight that week. But sharing our feelings and thoughts with everyone, we really helped each other through it. The power of this group is great! We really needed each other as it helps to discuss what we are going through, especially with others going through similar problems!

During times like this it is easy for people to "lapse" ( we don't like the word "cheat" ) while on the programme. There is no use beating one's self up about it, as we are not perfect, and it takes tremendous dedication and will power to do this programme. We can sometimes be our own worst enimies and are very hard on ourselves. It is important to realise that the only person we are affecting is ourselves and remember your ALWAYS have a choice! So get straight back onto the programme. Take your time, call a friend or have another bottle of water and then make your decision!

After this week's meeting we had all lost loads so happy smiley faces again! We are starting to realise that as much as the weight does affect us, we are starting to really notice how our mental state of mind is having to deal with whether we want to or not. This is about working with the origin of the problem and not the symptoms. What is making us eat, why do we want to, what comfort are we looking for and why???? These are very important issues that each one of us as individuals will be dealing with in our own way. Now at least we are getting somewhere to understanding that many of our eating patterns and habits stem from much more than just being addicted to food. We will be going into this in more detail in the next couple of weeks and hopefully we will get some answers that we can deal with.

Right..... off to have my hair done, throw out some more over sized clothes - how wonderful it is to go and shop for a few tops and trousers that fit! Down to a size 18/16 from a 22 so really happy.

Keep smiling, keep focused and have FUN!

Ps: Your comments and feedback have meant the world so keep them coming. I am really happy if this has encouraged a few people to join as this is the best thing I have ever done!

2 Stone Goal!

18th February

Been rather busy the last couple of weeks! What news well...............I have lost 2 STONE! I have reached my first goal which I am really pleased about! I lost 6.8 pounds in week 3 and 5.6 pounds in week 4. Most importantly my BMI is coming down quickly which for me is most important. It will be a few more months before it will be in the "normal" range but this is what I am aiming for more than actual pound loss. It means then my body will be the correct healthy weight and not what I think it should be!

What a programme! Not easy by any ones standards but do-able! It is not so much being hungry as I have said before, it is much more about wanting food for all kinds of emotional reasons. Losing the weight this quickly is a little scary even though of course I am delighted, it is just that I wonder if it can continue at this rate. It can be easy to get disappointed with ones self if we lose a small amount of weight one week, as you feel you have sacrificed soooooooooo much (you could still be eating and loose say 1-3 pounds)but I look at the bigger picture and see how much weight I have lost over a couple of weeks or since I started.

I have done many diets previously where you will get an average of 2-3 weight loss each week, but these have been concentrating on what you are eating and not WHY you are eating. The minute you go off the diet just because life can take over sometimes, you end up going back to your old eating habits, put the weight back on and even more! So look at the bigger picture I say - it will keep you motivated!

I have been suffering a little from depression and feelings of deprivation and punishing myself. In the last group meeting I made a significant breakthrough. I am not sure that anyone noticed but I decided to choose to be more positive about MY CHOICE to do the programme. Our councilor touched a note with me when she said that it had been my choice to do the programme and that I was doing this to understand my relationship with food better. That night I came home feeling really positive for the first time in weeks! The group had been very supportive and this is the key to this programme. My relationship with my partner has since improved and this has been very important. You can get self indulgent but actually this is necessary as the reason why I am overweight is I never paid any attention to myself. But be positively self indulgent!

I have now lost 10.5 inches off my body in total. 4.5 off my waist, 4 off my hips and 2 off my chest area (thankfully not more than that)! I have dropped from a size 22 to a size 20/18. I have to say size 18 is a difficult size as depending on the shops you go to it could still mean you have to take a size 20 as their interpretation is that a size 18 is actually in reality a size 16 - so stay clear of those stores who want us all to be misguided by their "thin" mentality! I especially love the "larger" sections which are right next to the "petite" clothing areas. I agree there are a few individuals who are petite but seeing as the UK is 2nd to America as being the "fatest" country in the world, the need for such a large "petite" sections is laughable! Additionally it is positioned right next to the "larger size" section - very annoying as when you cross over the divide by accident, people start looking at you with the "you wish" stare!

Chucked out a whole lot of clothing today - someone else can now benefit from my over indulgence! Exciting!!!!!! I still have clothing which I kept from a previous diet in a suitcase, size 18's as I was always going to get into them at some stage! I had promised myself this hence not throwing them away when I started gaining weight again. It does motivate you to a point but as I grew larger I needed larger clothes so not the right motivation to stay slim I am afraid. The real excitement for me will be when I lose another stone and for the first time in 10 years I can buy a size 16 again. Hopefully it wont stop there! But I would really like to do that shopping trip again!
A little helping hand I have discovered has been colonic irrigation. It is fantastic for cleaning out years and years of gunk! It is totally dignified and worth every single penny so start your sessions today as not only will you feel 3 pounds lighter (you can actually lose pounds on it), but you feel healthier. UK is the most constipated country in the World - shocking! Most other European countries have many centres who do these treatments as there is such a demand for them, but not in the UK. 1 in 3 people here suffer from constipation due to the shocking standards of food in this country. So get irrigated - you will not regret it. Consult your GP first though to make sure its OK! Another helping hand is my "I can make you thin" CD from Paul McKenna. It comes with a great book and helps you to practically handle food. This I will use when I start eating conventional food again but the CD helps with programming your thinking to think of what you will be like when you are thin. It is very relaxing and can really focus your mind to make your body lose weight!

That's it from me today - hope it has been helpful. Really interested in any ones feedback on these subjects. Stay focused and positive and catch up with you again soon.

Birthday Bliss

2nd February 2007
Today is my 37th Birthday! My focus has been on my programme so haven't organised anything for this Birthday. I normally organise a party with friends in a restaurant but decided I was not quiet ready for that just yet, as I have only completed 2 weeks of the 14 week programme, so need a little more time. Having said that I am totally delighted that I have now lost 1 stone and 2 pounds in just two weeks! WOW even I can't believe it but my clothes certainly can as they are getting looser. My 3 day away ordeal was a real struggle as all my husband's family did was drink and eat for 3 days. Hardly a relaxing easy environment for someone abstaining from food!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I stuck it out and I know if I can get through that, I can get through ANYTHING!I am feeling much better mentally too as not struggle so much with the concept of being deprived. Just moving on and focusing on how to keep myself busy each day, joining the gym and swimming club and joining up for some dance lessons so have nice variety of activities to do. I don't believe in stressed activity so certainly for the first couple of weeks I will do my best to spend around 3 hours a week doing some form on dedicated exercise and then make sure that I walk everywhere as much as possible (need to get to 10 000 on the pedometer). We are now starting to do some serious homework on discovering many things about ourselves and how we manage our relationship with food and the issues that make us want to eat all the time.Going now to get today on the move so will catch up after next Wednesday's session.

A new week

26th January 2007
Thank goodness that week is over. It was HARD! For all kinds of reasons. The first day was fine as it was a novelty starting a new diet and not eating my normal meals for the day. Day 2 was not too bad but got headaches and didn't feel great so I didn't fight it. Day 3 was great as got weighed and had lost 8 pounds! What a shock and what an inspiration!!!!!!! Day 4 was awful, depressed and bored. Day 5 was very much the same. Suddenly realised I had so much more time on my hands! Have to find a hobby or something exciting to do. Day 6 felt more comfortable with the shakes and received three pages of how to change a shake into a muffin, edible food!!!!!!!! Yipppppeeeeeee. Didn't succeed though but will keep trying. Excited now as seem to have gone through the first signs of depression. Day 7............. meeting and weigh in. I was the first to get weighed as I really needed to know that this past week had been worth while! Lost 12 pounds in 1 week - WOW. I was now very happy but told that I was dehydrated. How was that possible????? I was drinking 5 ltrs of water a day but have to admit still felt thirstily. But VERY HAPPY as definitely worthwhile as I haven't felt hungry but just wanted food for the sake of it - emotions!This 2nd week is going to be a challenge as going away for 3 days to a place that is not set up for mixing up shacks (electricity not available all the time - may have to resort to hand shaker instead). Need to plan well and possible BA strike could keep me another day or even possibility of snow so must take additional supplies! Well off to meet some great people and will catch up next week.

Started a new chapter in my pursuit

Joined Lighter Life 5 days ago! What a programme - tough but necessary! Just started my first ever blog so bear with me on how it goes.Lighter life is a food abstinance diet that you follow for 100 days where you eat no food! No I wont starve even though I feel like I am! I am not hungry but just want food - natural behaviour of a human, but in my case too much of a good thing. You get "food packs" which give you everything you need to maintain a healthy existance while loosing loads of weight.So I will make this short and sweet as I have to dash off to join the rest of household for dinner with my soup for this evening. So far it has been great and in 5 days I have lost a staggering 12 pounds! Great !!!!!!! Believe me it has not been easy as in physically it has been ok but mentally it has been hectic! Have loads of extra time on my hands as I am not making breakfast, lunch or dinner, so bored -problem! Nothing to do but think - not good for one trying to keep mind active on not thinking about food.Telling myself to hang in there - only 95 more days to go - one day at a time! Happy now as dinner is ready.Chow for now. Hee hee!