Change - exciting or scarey?

Hello everyone! This is going to be a short and sweet log today. Reduced my weight a fraction last week.... it was only .8 of a pound but certainly going in the right direction again! Also learnt during our trigger weeks (weeks 8-12) we are not supposed to include the previous weeks trigger food. So now in week 11 I have now discovered this is what I was doing wrong. This week is BREAD week - oooooooooooh normally a big trigger for me but lately I have to say I haven't been craving it at all. Had a piece of toast yesterday and so far so good! But now I can't eat cereal, potatoes, rice, pasta or cheese the whole week!

The topic for the week was CHANGE and how people respond to it. It was interesting to note that all of us in the group in one way another seemed to have changed the way we respond to CHANGE having done the programme compared to the way we were before. Why you ask? Well it is a life changing experience when you have to face your everyday life without the crutch of 'food' to support you. You have to find something in yourself to deal with your emotions rather than turning to an outside source for encouragement, comfort and positiveness. Some of us embrace change and always have but others have struggled but now are will to take the risk and accept change and even enjoy it.

I think this issue is one for not only us but everyone in every day life as the world is changing so fast these days. Embrace change! Take risks! Live and keep moving forward in everything you do. When ever you are in a situation where change is necessary there can only be two results - either............

1 You don't succeed and therefore have to try again which means you will learn something new
2 You succeed and therefore learn something new

Both ways you are moving forward, learning something new and taking a risk. This is what makes life more exciting so embrace it.

When is right time?

Well as you can tell by me updating my blog today, I didn't have the laser eye surgery done on Wednesday. The main reason being that when I got home on Tuesday evening the house was full of dust. Our refurb has started and what a mess! I am not sure what I was expecting but I had no idea it would be so bad. Having said that the builders did try and clean up but such fine dust is difficult to clean. What the house used to look like...................

I was not feeling at all comfortable having my surgery done and then being in a dusty environment for my recovery. When it comes to eyes I think you really need to be very careful to give them the best opportunity to recover quickly and being in such a dusty environment is not recommended. So it has been rescheduled to the 15th of August. Whew! What is looks like now.................

Additionally I have had another trying week with so much going on and as I feared, it was reflected in my weigh in on Tuesday evening. I have gained 2.8 pounds! I have to say I wasn't surprised just very disappointed. With 2 nights of going out and not controlling my drinking or eating this is price I have to pay. At least I recognised what is causing it. I was encouraged to let it go, taking into account this phase of the programme is about maintaining weight and not about reducing it. I said it is also not about gaining it either. So I am trying not to beat myself up about it and get back on track. I am determined to lose it over the next few weeks and really start taking better control of my emotional eating habits. With some of the pressure off now as the building work has now started and not having the eye surgery, I can concentrate on managing myself a little more.

Disappointment is an interesting emotion to deal with ! You not only feel let down, angry but sad all at the same time. And the worst part is I have no one else to blame but MYSELF. I think this type of disappointment is even worse! But this is life - real life - as things are bound to come unstuck sometimes and mistakes will be made. I think the true test is to see how one handles these knocks in life. It is a minor thing but I could make it a huge issue but what would be the point. The truth of the matter is if I picked up 3 pounds a week for 2-4 weeks I would be worried. In the scheme of things reducing my weight by 5 stone and then gaining 2.8 pounds is not really so bad. It is not so much the weight which has affected me but more the fact I am still not in control of my eating habits! Welcome to the REAL world! You do sometimes think that because you have been through this whole process you problems and habits have been CURED or resolved. NOT SO! You just have the knowledge and the will power to manage them better - or so I hope. A bit of a wake up call me thinks! So today and for the last couple of days I have been back onto my food packs and limiting my intake of my triggers which are fruit, alcohol and going out! But I did spoil myself by buying 4 fantastic tops at a great sale and they fit beautifully - still a size 16! Really would like to work towards a size 14 but finding it much harder than I thought it would be! I may decide to go onto a 'development' (4 weeks of abstinence) session after my route to management programme finishes. Not sure if you are allowed to but if I can I think it will refocus me and give me the extra boost I need to get the last stone off!

Well that's it from me this week! I am now off to buy some radiators, doors, extractor fans and a whole load of other goodies for the house. Thank you for all your calls and e-mails of encouragement!

Getting on top of things!

I know, I know, I know! Apologies for not updating like I said I would. Life just sometimes gets the better of one.

Last week was a good week with me reducing my weight by 1.6 pounds only to find out I had actually put on 1.8 pounds the week previously and not a 1 pound. Give with one hand and take away with the other. So to date I have now put on .2 of a pound - I can certainly live with that. The session was interesting last week, a little more up beat and positively focused but I was feeling stressed and miserable. Why you ask...........LIFE! Time of the month does not help but just a lack of focus, enthusiasm etc. regarding the programme and in life generally. Not sure why but really not putting as much effort into this I was in the first 3-5 months. I think it has to do with getting back into normal life with normal eating and losing focus once again.

This past week has been a struggle!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had a lot on my plate with work and new projects beginning. My new business (consultancy and training for the hospitality industry www.kinxmanagement.co.uk) is taking off and I am panicking a little trying to fit it all in. Also with the refurbishment of our house starting TODAY (new show room downstairs, replacement of existing bathroom and new kitchen) my life is a little stressed. To add to this I have decided to have laser eye surgery this week! Not great planning but I unfortunately can not change the date. I am not scared of the operation but more of the recovery which should take around 5 days! No TV, no computers, basically sitting around for 5 days not being able to see properly or do anything! Additionally one organisation turned me down as I have "thin cornier"! Waiting for tomorrow when I see the surgeon at this other organisation who said that I could have it done, but they need to reconfirm before I have the op. A LITTLE NERVOUS!

I think I have picked up weight this week as feeling heavier and the scales say I have! Not much I don't think but haven't been particulary good. Went out on Thursday night with our LL group, then went to a BBQ on Friday night (ate a little too much red meat me thinks!), went out for breakfast on Satuday (recovering from too much alcohol - not over the limit but my body can't handle it anymore) and spent most of the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself. So we should see the results of uncontrolled eating and lack of focus on the scales this evening! Can't wait.......Well these things happen. I just need to pick myself up and focus again as this is what life and managing your weight is all about.

I will update my blog this evening as I won't be able to do so from tomorrow as my eyes will be in recovery for the next 5 days. Wish me luck!

Thank you to all my friends for your encouragement and support and for those new LL groupies, good luck, learn from my lessons and keep drinking your WATER!!!

What's in a POUND?

Well it had to happen - the mighty have finally fallen!!!! For the first time I just put on 1 pound! What can I say?

Is this a disaster? Is it that the realities of life can sometimes happen to remind one how vulnerable we really are? This is the first time since I started this programme I have actually picked up weight. There could be a few reasons for this...... I went to a wedding and decided to 'let my hair down a little' as they say, or could it be the fact that for the first time I ate dinner before going to be weighed or a combination of the two! Whatever the reason it still remains I gained a pound. What's a pound in the scheme of things really? Reduced my weight by 72 pounds and gained 1?!

You can't move forward without sometimes taking a step backwards. I was disappointed but not devastated by it - why - well for a number of reasons...........
1 I am not perfect
2 In reality your weight will always fluctuate - time of month, social calendar, being ill etc.
3 I still managed to control myself and not 'fall off the rails'
4 I learnt a valuable lesson - messing up is just part of the process

What is most important is what I do next. Pick myself up and focus positively on managing better. Therefore this week I have decided the following:

1 I am eating less fruit - this is definitely a trigger food for me
2 Drinking more water - doing around 1.5 ltrs a day but need to be drinking min 2 ltrs
3 This week is the first of our 'trigger' weeks - pasta, rice, potato - small amounts
4 Start exercising again - been slack since being sick a few weeks ago

It's all about managing what is happening to us each step of the way. This weeks session was on personal space and boundaries. Interesting concept for me as I have had a lot on my plate lately with the refurb of our house starting shortly, family visiting and immanently immigrating to the UK, my new business just starting to take off and then all the normal everyday things..........

We are not always aware of how these types of experiences can influence our emotional states, boundaries and personal space. Our reaction to these types of challenges can be changing our food choices to fit the what is happening to us emotionally. Drinking more because we are a little stressed, celebrating new business deals and basically finding all kinds of excuses have another one! Eating certain types of food - protein, carbs etc. because of the instant gratification it gives us. I certainly am much more aware of these things now but it doesn't mean to say that habits I have developed over 37 years are going to go away just because I understand them more. I can now just control them better. Boundaries are good and should be there to protect us as well as to help us. Personal space is all about being in our comfort zone but learning to venture beyond them. Reducing my weight has helped me to open myself up to more exciting concepts, challenges and has broaden my personal space!

So lessons for this week.......

Stay focused
Understand the realities of life
Push your personal boundaries
Manage your expectations

I hope some of what I have mentioned makes sense as this has been a great learning week for me!

Comparisons

Hello one and all! Back on track and will update every week or even twice a week as going through challenging but positive times! Well lets see now............I have been hounded for the 'little black outfit' updated photo's so here goes......Now and when I had already reduced my weight by 1.5 stone. This should give a true reflection of my transformation. Enjoy!






It was therefore quite a coincidence that in today's discussion we talked about changing BODY IMAGE! Getting used to a new body can take time! We did a little exercise showing how we perceive ourselves to look like. Taking a very large piece of paper - life size - we were asked to draw what we believed our bodies in reality look like. How scary as only 1 in the group of 4 actually drew a realistic version of herself. The rest of us drew bodies much larger and emphasised problem areas we used to have, but now no longer have. We then lay down on the paper and our actual size what then outlined against our initial drawing. WOW what a difference! Just shows you that our perception about ourselves can be really wrong and so we were obviously very pleased to see that we were actually a lot thinner than we thought we were. It is really difficult in photo's, even these above to really be able to show you the transformation. I look at these pictures and of course I can see a difference but not as much as you would be able to see if you saw me in person. One of my very good friends, who has been most encouraging and supportive the whole way through this experience, actually saw me in person the other day and said how shocked she was at how much I had changed. Even though she reads my blog every week and obviously see the pics, nothing is quite like seeing the actual person. This is similar to the way in which we see ourselves so here is a suggestion........get other people you trust to tell you what they see - honestly - and then describe yourself to them and do the same exercise we did above. You will be very surprised at the outcome!

I am now 13 stone 13 pounds and have just 1 stone and 13 pounds to go until I reach my personal goal of 12 stone or 76 kgs. My total weight reduction thus far is 72.8 pounds or 5 stone 2 pounds in 21 weeks. An average of 3.5 pounds per week. Not bad for someone who took a good 13 years to put it on! The weight is leveling off now but each week it reduces by a little more and therefore moving in the right direction. It takes some getting used to that it isn't falling off me like it did in the first 3 months of the programme and it can be easy to get disappointed, but you have to keep in mind what you have already achieved. Actually even though the weight is what is being measured, what we haven't done is measure ourselves for a while, as I know that I have reduced my inches as my size 16 is getting lose! I have even bought a skirt in a size 14 and had a dress adjusted to a size 14 so watch this space!

This week we are allowed pulses i.e. beans, peas and lentils - Yipeeeee. Not really as I didn't really eat many of them but am happy that I can have baked beans but not on toast or on a potato yet! I might try them on sweet potato as this we are allowed. Actually besides giving you embarrassing wind (not that I need any more windy problems as the food bars are constantly keeping me down wind from anyone!) pulses are rich in protein, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals and give you a healthy gut! They are low GI/GL so this is good.

Next week we start our TRIGGER weeks (weeks 8-12). This is when we reintroduce foods that could be the cause of our being overweight, staples, cheese, bread and sweets/chocolates. We will start next week with staples such as pasta, noodles, couscous, potatoes and rice. We have them for 6 days and then on the 7th you don't have any. This is to see how your body copes. It would be great to avoid having them all together, but we need to find out how our bodies react. Also this will be the most challenging time as emotionally these foods normally have all kinds of links. But for now I am dealing with one trigger food - fruit! Really trying to cut down on portion size so wish me luck!

A bit long in the tooth!

Sorry to all you hard going blog watchers who want constant updates, I have been a little down in the mouth or long in the tooth or something similar these past couple of weeks! I got the dreaded 'flu' so have been a little out of action.

I have also had a struggle making sure that I stick to the programme! For the most part I have been really good but with the flu and taking cough mixture (full of sugar) didn't stick too well for a couple of days. Also needed some carbs to settle the stomach as nothing else would help but got back onto the band wagon and thankfully didn't gain any weight over it!


Our group is struggling a bit at the moment as we are feeling demotivated, confused and let down. This is mostly due to such a diverse group with many people at very different stages of Route to Management, that the councilling is less specific and therefore not as focused. I think that you need a good councillor to facilitate this CHANGE which unfortunately you will not always get. It isn't easy to settle into a new mixed group if not only the dynamics of the groups change but you are also going through the most challenging times within the whole programme. What I have learnt is that you should question and challenge ideas or situations where you are not happy. One shouldn't complain and then do nothing about it, as this is about us at the end of the day and we pay money to get a certain level of what we believe, are the standards of services we expect. But then you realise that you are dealing with human nature. There are those that can deal with potential conflict or uneasy situations better than others. Then you get those who know how to manipulate the situation so that you never really get an solution and just more excuses of why things have to be a certain way even though it isn't working for US! Now that I have that off my chest, I believe in walking the talk..........................So what we have done to compensate this present situation is have additional 'table top' counselling by getting together outside of our weekly meeting and discuss how we are feeling and what is happening with going back onto certain foods. The more nitty gritty side of things! I believe this part of the programme is the most important and therefore if anything we should have far more focused counselling focusing on new challenges (which of course the book that we have given does) to really support the changes we are going through. Therefore lesson learnt - chose your group well and make sure that your councillor is what expect them to be.

We met up with some of the people from our group who carried on on the food abstinence part of the programme called Development. 4 week blocks of continued Foundation programme. Wow did they look great! Like me they had further weight reductions to achieve but I decided not to continue on the abstinence programme as the NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) recommends your should only do this type of programme for 12/14 weeks maximum. Now I know why........not only does it take quite a long time for your body to readjust to eating again - minimum 7 weeks, but mentally you will struggle much more when having to go back on eating food again. The fear of putting all the weight back on is very real and when you have been off food for so long, it can be VERY scary and the change can be more than some people are able to deal with. So think carefully before you decide to carry on longer than the recommended 12/14 weeks! There is a REASON for NICE's recommendations. At the end of the day it is each individuals choice but make sure that you make an informed choice and that you can deal with the potential outcome.

Now for the good news, we are week 6 of RTM and I have lost 7 pounds since I started this side of the programme. Just over a pound a week which I believe is reasonable. I have to say that obviously eating food once more has a direct impact on my weight reduction compared to other people on the group. Some have already lost another stone so a word of warning - if you reach your goal weight in Foundation or in Development (for those of you who have started the programme) you WILL reduce your weight further on RTM and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. They say that this part of the programme is not for weight loss but you will continue to lose weight (even if you do pick up a pound here or there).

Life is getting back to normal now and I am feeling the emotional pressure! Not planning my meals, letting emotional issues rule what I am eating and all those previous challenges have returned once more! You have to keep on top of it as it is very easy to just slip back into old habits. Remembering to drink your water is also not a priority anymore and I am having to really make sure that I am continuing to do this! The main reason being that we are allowed to drink alcohol now so mentally you just change one for the other - not a good idea! I am definitely going to have to watch the drinking thing as I think this is probably my 'trigger'. Not to say that I shouldn't have one every now and then but I can't drink like I used to and anyway it just isn't that good for you any more! Another thing that is pestering me at the moment is I have had my periods now for 3 long weeks and am exhausted as I have had PMT for that time too. It would appear that it takes your body a long time to adapt back to normal routine - up to 6 months I have been told! So lots going on! I really need all the support I can get as I still have another 6 weeks to go and as the weeks continue so we add in more of the 'trigger' type foods so keep those comments and e-mails coming!

As I have been feeling large, bloated and really sickly lately, I haven't done any photo's but I promise this Friday I will post some more 'black' pic's so that you can see where I am at. Challenging week ahead as really need to refocus on the programme and get these negative experiences out of my system and just focus on what is working for me!

Would love to hear from those of you who have started the programme or are about to! Take care and will update on Friday again!

Biker chick!

These photo was taken recently at a conference I attended in Leeds. We had the pleasure of being driven on these cruiser bikes by these rather charming 'maturer' men to the Emmerdale TV film set (not open to the public so a bit of a privilege if you actually watch Emmerdale - which I am afraid I don't).

Thought I would do a quick update on what me and a few others have been going through during the 3rd/4th week of our Route to management programme. Our weekly get together sessions have changed slightly in that we are not really 'learning' anything ground breaking but understanding what is happening to us mentally and physically. A few of us were discussing outside of our weekly session (we actually get more out of these chats than we do sometimes from the hour and half session) how each of us are experiencing different reactions both physically and mentally. This really highlights the fact that what may work for one person doesn't necessarily work for another! Sharing ideas is great and really helpful but it is not always that easy or relevant to one's specific circumstances. So the gist of it is as I see it, listen to what you are advised with an open mind and at least try things to find out if they work or not. Don't follow things blindly! I am constantly astonished at how people just follow what they are told without questioning it, researching it, trying it out and playing around with it! Adult - the state that we need to be when we are around food! Not child listening to those who think they know better and want to be 'helpful' by telling us what we ought be eating now (outside of the programmes guidelines). This programme is very specific and therefore it needs to be followed according to it's guidelines. Once we are fully back onto 3 meals a day we are still being advised to follow the GI or GL principles - which from my research are very good guidelines to work with.

I have found that fruit is a bit of a trigger for me as it has natural 'sugars' in it, so I am having to learn portion control with this one - not easy when you understand that it is healthy for you but everything in moderation! Hope you are all enjoying the sunny weather!

It is quite strange how people who supported me during my abstinence period are now less supportive as I am 'eating' again and to them that means I have finished the programme. NOT AT ALL! The next few months are the HARDEST and MOST DANGEROUS for me as it is much easier to slip back into old habits now than before. So keep the comments and positive feedback coming as this is so important in assisting with the long term success of what each of us are trying to achieve.

New photo's of me in black to follow next week (requested by popular demand!)