Been there, done that and bought the bloody T Shirt!

Well hello there! Sorry that I have not been able to update until now but life has been UNBELIEVABLE! Busy, busy and busy!!

Unfortunately I can't say that it has done my weight management any good. Gained another 4 pounds so a total of 10 pounds have crept back onto my body and boy can I feel it! UGHHHHHH! I know why it has happened - BAD PLANNING! I can't emphasise enough how much planning can help to keep the wolves at bay. I certainly have learnt that lesson now. Oh well back onto 2 bars a day and talking about exercise yet again. I have been running all over the country staying in fantastic hotels, training in great venues with fabulous food so no wander why I have gained weight. Having said that this is exactly when I should have planned better. I bought the bars in anticipation of a busy month and then promptly forgot them home! Not very useful sitting in a cupboard me thinks! You have to ask whether I wanted to leave them at home subconsciously - well the honest answer is no! I was so annoyed with myself as I did it twice and then out of frustration decided to pig out! Some things NEVER CHANGE!

After our fantastic weekend away which was lovely and both of us were totally pampered and relaxed by the end of it. Then my life became hectic to say the least. We had the last finishing touches to do on the house before parents arrived. I had 11 days of training to do all over the UK and still had to run a business, do 2 days a week at a contract in Surrey and get my parents settled in amongst having to attend some business training on their first weekend in the UK. No pressure then! My own fault as didn't plan it very well but then life can be like that! Having said that I really do work well under pressure I just don't eat well under pressure.

I have been trying to eat smaller portions of whatever I was eating and most of time did ok. The drinking has come back to haunt me especially on long boring train rides after a stressful day of training. This lowers your resistance to the things you shouldn't be eating such as crisps, chocolate and other naughties! With my parents having moved in our eating habits, food supplies and drinking sessions have all changed and caused havoc with my routine. I just need to get a grip and some control back over what I am doing and make time to plan and be sensible about how much I can handle at one time. I also haven't been to LL weekly sessions as have either been in another location in the UK or at a business function. NOT GOOD! It really does make a difference if you go each week as keeps you accountable and helps you to manage what is happening to you especially in times like this. I will be going back next week even if I have put on more weight, at least I can get it under control again. All my clothes are still fitting just a little more snugly and with winter having already arrived I think it may be a great idea to get focused.

Hope all of you are doing well and life has not been as hectic as mine has been of late. But I am now back in the land of the living and hope to catch up with you soon. Will try and update more often and best wishes to all of you who have been in contact - hope you do really well on the programme! Keep me posted on your progress. xxxx

Steady as we go...

Well hello everyone. Life has been HECTIC this past month! What is new? Is it just me or are things just getting more stressful and our lives getting busier by the year? Do I need a holiday or what???!!! I think with a non event Summer we have just experienced I need to find something to give me a feeling of being on holiday! So have booked a weekend in the New Forest and Bournemouth as have never been and they are close but far enough away.

Since my last entry at the end of August things have been very much UP and DOWN. This is life I suppose! I reduced my weight by 4 pounds at the beginning of the month and now have put back on 3 of those pounds! So overall still up by 5 pounds since I went onto Core Management. This stage of the programme is totally voluntary as in you go to the weekly meetings if you wish (free of charge) and buy food packs if you wish, so am entirely self reliant. SCARY!!!!!!! I am finding that life is taking over yet again and I am having to keep an eye on my eating habits as those little devils keep creeping back into my life! Ugh.. by now you would have thought I had a handle on some of it but surprise - no I don't! What I do have however is a better understanding of why it is happening, recognising it for what it is and being able to do something about it straight away!

It is fundamental for me to keep going to the weekly sessions as it is the only thing that is keeping me accountable. This may not be the same for everyone as some may feel they are no longer benefiting from the sessions but I am and NEED to keep going as I do not feel 100% assured that I am in control of my eating habits. Sometimes I really don't feel like going as I know I have picked up weight,however this is exactly when I need to go to face it and say OK now lets get back on track. This can be difficult even for someone like me who is really confident about things, as you really feel disappointed in yourself for letting the weight slip yet again! I have these great days where I don't feel like food and have to remember to eat, and then other days where I could eat everything in the house! Definitely attached to emotional eating of all kinds! It is a skill to recognise it BEFORE you put the food in your mouth and not afterwards when you then feel really rubbish yet again!

I so seriously need to go and exercise. Doing Pilates once a week is having no effect but I thoroughly enjoy it so combined with a bit more exercise I think will be the answer. How long have I been TALKING about doing additional exercise and yet I STILL HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Familiar behave me thinks to when I wanted to do something about my weight but kept talking about it but never did anything about it!!!!! At the moment I am struggling to keep the weight off never mind wanting to lose and additional stone! Get a grip I say to myself on a daily basis and then life takes over again!!! ENOUGH ALREADY - chatter box is going full speed. With family soon descending on me I really need to be focused and actively going to the gym and looking after myself as October is going to be a VERY busy month. I will be doing a major amount of training programmes and work load is heavy as well as parents arriving and moving in. We are still working on the finishing touches to the house so should all be sorted by early October.

Well that's all the ranting and raving from me for this month - it has been difficult but at least I am still on tract, eyesight is wonderful and always moving forward. Hope you are all doing well and that life is treating you well. Let me know how you are getting on and any advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Until next time......xxxxx

Catch Up!

Wow a whole month has already gone by - where did August go? It probably has something to do with being so busy! August has been a month of up's and downs! Weight is up and moral is down......but I am dealing with it. Living out of a microwave for 2 months has not been easy on the weight maintenance side of things as it has been very difficult to find decent low fat microwave food! Additionally we have been going out more often not only because we are sick of the food but also to get away from the house! The refurb has been stressful to say the least and this has just added strain to an already difficult time. We ended up firing our builder and having to undo a lot of what he had done! What is wrong with this industry that you can't find someone who can do the job that they say they are going to do. Anyway my darling husband has been FANTASTIC and has taken up the challenge with his friends and a little help from a great tradesman (found one on a recommended tradesman's website!) so the kitchen is now nearly finished. We have been able to move back in this weekend and really happy as had our first home cooked meal yesterday - nothing like your own cooking (as long as you are relatively good at it - I am still learning!) The downstairs bathroom is looking wonderful even though the shower has a mind of its own so need to sort that out. The upstairs bathroom is well on its way to being completed so all is well.

I can't say that for my weight however! I have picked up a total of 6 pounds over the month! As if the refurb was enough of a stress, I then finally had my laser eye surgery done on the 15th. This was great for the most part with a few hick up's along the way but mostly the best thing I have ever done. However due to not being able to watch TV, read, exercise and being very sensitive to light, I spent the better half of 5 days eating myself silly. So that explains the weight gain and so now that my eye sight is improving daily, I can start concentrating on dropping the weight I picked up. Funny thing is when I could feel that I had put on the weight I wasn't so keen to go to our weekly classes and face myself! Silly billy! It was a bit tough as for two weeks I didn't go due to work commitments, and these were the weeks I really struggled with myself emotionally. Just shows I am not ready to do this on my own. The weekly meeting does keep me focused and encourages me to keep going and really helps to make myself accountable to myself! So now straight back on the straight and narrow! I really would like to get down to a size 14 by December and this is definitely obtainable so need to dig deep and get focused.

With such lovely weather and now being able to do exercise again so I am putting an exercise plan together so to get my energy levels up. Decided to do Pilate's again, swimming and gym for now so hopefully that will help to maintain my weight, increase my metabolism and help with the stress levels. In the coming month I want to concentrate on this and building my business which is going to take dedication and energy! When I next check in I will be at least 6 pounds lighter and a little bit fitter!

Grand Finale - 5 stone - 70 pounds (31.8kg)

My pursuit of happiness has finally completed its first chapter! In my final weigh in on the last week of the second part of the programme, I have reduced my weight by 5 stone! I was 64.8 pounds when I started the Route to Management programme, which is the final part of the process. Having had the last 3 months to reintroduce food I have reduce my weight by a further 5.2 pounds and am now fully back onto all foods including chocolates! I had lost 5 stone by week 3 on the RTM programme and over the last 9 weeks have put on a few and lost a few but mostly maintained my weight. I have lost a total of 28 inches from my whole body which is phenomenal! Gone from a size 22/24 to a size 16/14.

The pics on the left are on the day I started the Foundation programme on the 17th January 2007. The pics on the right are from the day I finished the RTM programme on the 24th July 2007. 188 days or just over 6 months in total with an average weight reduction of 2.6 pounds per week! Now I know a few people said when I started this programme that I shouldn't lose weight too quickly. 2.6 pounds a week isn't too quick - I think it is very reasonable. Admittedly most of it came off in the first 100 days. This I believe is why this programme has been so successful for me. Rapid weight reduction in the beginning to keep you focused and motivated and allow you opportunity of focusing on what the REAL course of the weight problem - MY THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS! The bad eating habits and choices were learnt over time through lack of knowledge and bad habits picked up my whole life.

The biggest challenge of all is the one in front of me now. I still would like to reduce my weight by another stone. My main reason for this is the fact that it will give me a buffer when I do fall and pick up the additional pounds which will inevitably happen. Also my BMI is still in the unhealthy range and I would like to get fitter and healthier. Therefore I will be having a one-to-one with my councillor tomorrow to discuss my next goal on how to achieve this without making any more drastic changes to my life. I am happy to take the next 5 months to achieve this and then this will be the 2nd chapter or my pursuit to happiness completed. The last and final chapter will be to keep my weight maintained at 13 stone or below for a year at least.

This is my last weekly blog as I will now update every 2-4 weeks on my progress and new things we will be learning in our weekly sessions. The great thing about Lighter Life is they are happy to continue giving you support (for no charge) as long as you feel you need it. I can go to the weekly sessions to get weighed, learn from the counselling sessions and keep my focus on my goal. They are an organisation that really understand weight problems and care enough to keep supporting one for as long as you need them too. I am eternally grateful for this programme and to the fantastic people I have met over the last 6 months. I have made great friends and learnt many new life changing processes. I am really looking forward to embracing my new found confidence, energy and enthusiasm and I hope you will continue the journey with me.

Thank you to my family, friends and colleagues who have all paid a very large part in this successful story of just one person's life who's entire existence has changed forever! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your constant encouragement, support and most of all faith and confidence in me, that I could achieve what I have done! Please continue sending your e-mails and checking back with me in the coming year as your comments and support mean the world! Here's to a fantastic year ahead! x x

Final Week of the Programme

Well what can I say - I can not believe that it has been over 6 months since I started this wonderful programme! Here is a reminder of what I looked like then -these are a little revealing so my apologies, but they are very real!......I will post my final picture next week end as we have our final weigh in and pictures done after 26 weeks on the programme.

I have reduced my weight by 75 pounds and been able to maintain it even now I am fully back to all conventional foods! But the real proof will be when I can post a picture of myself in a year's time and look even better!

This week is chocolate and refined sugar week and I am surprised to find out that I haven't really missed it as much as I thought I had. I still enjoy a peace of chocolate now and then but sweets have always been my soft spot. I am happy to report they are no longer my soft spot and I can enjoy a few and then I have had enough. Really trying to manage myself better even after putting on a pound again last week. Next week will be my final weekly post as I will now continue with the blog on a monthly basis.

Thank you for your sweet e-mails and postings and will catch you again here for the last weekly post.

Change - exciting or scarey?

Hello everyone! This is going to be a short and sweet log today. Reduced my weight a fraction last week.... it was only .8 of a pound but certainly going in the right direction again! Also learnt during our trigger weeks (weeks 8-12) we are not supposed to include the previous weeks trigger food. So now in week 11 I have now discovered this is what I was doing wrong. This week is BREAD week - oooooooooooh normally a big trigger for me but lately I have to say I haven't been craving it at all. Had a piece of toast yesterday and so far so good! But now I can't eat cereal, potatoes, rice, pasta or cheese the whole week!

The topic for the week was CHANGE and how people respond to it. It was interesting to note that all of us in the group in one way another seemed to have changed the way we respond to CHANGE having done the programme compared to the way we were before. Why you ask? Well it is a life changing experience when you have to face your everyday life without the crutch of 'food' to support you. You have to find something in yourself to deal with your emotions rather than turning to an outside source for encouragement, comfort and positiveness. Some of us embrace change and always have but others have struggled but now are will to take the risk and accept change and even enjoy it.

I think this issue is one for not only us but everyone in every day life as the world is changing so fast these days. Embrace change! Take risks! Live and keep moving forward in everything you do. When ever you are in a situation where change is necessary there can only be two results - either............

1 You don't succeed and therefore have to try again which means you will learn something new
2 You succeed and therefore learn something new

Both ways you are moving forward, learning something new and taking a risk. This is what makes life more exciting so embrace it.

When is right time?

Well as you can tell by me updating my blog today, I didn't have the laser eye surgery done on Wednesday. The main reason being that when I got home on Tuesday evening the house was full of dust. Our refurb has started and what a mess! I am not sure what I was expecting but I had no idea it would be so bad. Having said that the builders did try and clean up but such fine dust is difficult to clean. What the house used to look like...................

I was not feeling at all comfortable having my surgery done and then being in a dusty environment for my recovery. When it comes to eyes I think you really need to be very careful to give them the best opportunity to recover quickly and being in such a dusty environment is not recommended. So it has been rescheduled to the 15th of August. Whew! What is looks like now.................

Additionally I have had another trying week with so much going on and as I feared, it was reflected in my weigh in on Tuesday evening. I have gained 2.8 pounds! I have to say I wasn't surprised just very disappointed. With 2 nights of going out and not controlling my drinking or eating this is price I have to pay. At least I recognised what is causing it. I was encouraged to let it go, taking into account this phase of the programme is about maintaining weight and not about reducing it. I said it is also not about gaining it either. So I am trying not to beat myself up about it and get back on track. I am determined to lose it over the next few weeks and really start taking better control of my emotional eating habits. With some of the pressure off now as the building work has now started and not having the eye surgery, I can concentrate on managing myself a little more.

Disappointment is an interesting emotion to deal with ! You not only feel let down, angry but sad all at the same time. And the worst part is I have no one else to blame but MYSELF. I think this type of disappointment is even worse! But this is life - real life - as things are bound to come unstuck sometimes and mistakes will be made. I think the true test is to see how one handles these knocks in life. It is a minor thing but I could make it a huge issue but what would be the point. The truth of the matter is if I picked up 3 pounds a week for 2-4 weeks I would be worried. In the scheme of things reducing my weight by 5 stone and then gaining 2.8 pounds is not really so bad. It is not so much the weight which has affected me but more the fact I am still not in control of my eating habits! Welcome to the REAL world! You do sometimes think that because you have been through this whole process you problems and habits have been CURED or resolved. NOT SO! You just have the knowledge and the will power to manage them better - or so I hope. A bit of a wake up call me thinks! So today and for the last couple of days I have been back onto my food packs and limiting my intake of my triggers which are fruit, alcohol and going out! But I did spoil myself by buying 4 fantastic tops at a great sale and they fit beautifully - still a size 16! Really would like to work towards a size 14 but finding it much harder than I thought it would be! I may decide to go onto a 'development' (4 weeks of abstinence) session after my route to management programme finishes. Not sure if you are allowed to but if I can I think it will refocus me and give me the extra boost I need to get the last stone off!

Well that's it from me this week! I am now off to buy some radiators, doors, extractor fans and a whole load of other goodies for the house. Thank you for all your calls and e-mails of encouragement!

Getting on top of things!

I know, I know, I know! Apologies for not updating like I said I would. Life just sometimes gets the better of one.

Last week was a good week with me reducing my weight by 1.6 pounds only to find out I had actually put on 1.8 pounds the week previously and not a 1 pound. Give with one hand and take away with the other. So to date I have now put on .2 of a pound - I can certainly live with that. The session was interesting last week, a little more up beat and positively focused but I was feeling stressed and miserable. Why you ask...........LIFE! Time of the month does not help but just a lack of focus, enthusiasm etc. regarding the programme and in life generally. Not sure why but really not putting as much effort into this I was in the first 3-5 months. I think it has to do with getting back into normal life with normal eating and losing focus once again.

This past week has been a struggle!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had a lot on my plate with work and new projects beginning. My new business (consultancy and training for the hospitality industry www.kinxmanagement.co.uk) is taking off and I am panicking a little trying to fit it all in. Also with the refurbishment of our house starting TODAY (new show room downstairs, replacement of existing bathroom and new kitchen) my life is a little stressed. To add to this I have decided to have laser eye surgery this week! Not great planning but I unfortunately can not change the date. I am not scared of the operation but more of the recovery which should take around 5 days! No TV, no computers, basically sitting around for 5 days not being able to see properly or do anything! Additionally one organisation turned me down as I have "thin cornier"! Waiting for tomorrow when I see the surgeon at this other organisation who said that I could have it done, but they need to reconfirm before I have the op. A LITTLE NERVOUS!

I think I have picked up weight this week as feeling heavier and the scales say I have! Not much I don't think but haven't been particulary good. Went out on Thursday night with our LL group, then went to a BBQ on Friday night (ate a little too much red meat me thinks!), went out for breakfast on Satuday (recovering from too much alcohol - not over the limit but my body can't handle it anymore) and spent most of the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself. So we should see the results of uncontrolled eating and lack of focus on the scales this evening! Can't wait.......Well these things happen. I just need to pick myself up and focus again as this is what life and managing your weight is all about.

I will update my blog this evening as I won't be able to do so from tomorrow as my eyes will be in recovery for the next 5 days. Wish me luck!

Thank you to all my friends for your encouragement and support and for those new LL groupies, good luck, learn from my lessons and keep drinking your WATER!!!

What's in a POUND?

Well it had to happen - the mighty have finally fallen!!!! For the first time I just put on 1 pound! What can I say?

Is this a disaster? Is it that the realities of life can sometimes happen to remind one how vulnerable we really are? This is the first time since I started this programme I have actually picked up weight. There could be a few reasons for this...... I went to a wedding and decided to 'let my hair down a little' as they say, or could it be the fact that for the first time I ate dinner before going to be weighed or a combination of the two! Whatever the reason it still remains I gained a pound. What's a pound in the scheme of things really? Reduced my weight by 72 pounds and gained 1?!

You can't move forward without sometimes taking a step backwards. I was disappointed but not devastated by it - why - well for a number of reasons...........
1 I am not perfect
2 In reality your weight will always fluctuate - time of month, social calendar, being ill etc.
3 I still managed to control myself and not 'fall off the rails'
4 I learnt a valuable lesson - messing up is just part of the process

What is most important is what I do next. Pick myself up and focus positively on managing better. Therefore this week I have decided the following:

1 I am eating less fruit - this is definitely a trigger food for me
2 Drinking more water - doing around 1.5 ltrs a day but need to be drinking min 2 ltrs
3 This week is the first of our 'trigger' weeks - pasta, rice, potato - small amounts
4 Start exercising again - been slack since being sick a few weeks ago

It's all about managing what is happening to us each step of the way. This weeks session was on personal space and boundaries. Interesting concept for me as I have had a lot on my plate lately with the refurb of our house starting shortly, family visiting and immanently immigrating to the UK, my new business just starting to take off and then all the normal everyday things..........

We are not always aware of how these types of experiences can influence our emotional states, boundaries and personal space. Our reaction to these types of challenges can be changing our food choices to fit the what is happening to us emotionally. Drinking more because we are a little stressed, celebrating new business deals and basically finding all kinds of excuses have another one! Eating certain types of food - protein, carbs etc. because of the instant gratification it gives us. I certainly am much more aware of these things now but it doesn't mean to say that habits I have developed over 37 years are going to go away just because I understand them more. I can now just control them better. Boundaries are good and should be there to protect us as well as to help us. Personal space is all about being in our comfort zone but learning to venture beyond them. Reducing my weight has helped me to open myself up to more exciting concepts, challenges and has broaden my personal space!

So lessons for this week.......

Stay focused
Understand the realities of life
Push your personal boundaries
Manage your expectations

I hope some of what I have mentioned makes sense as this has been a great learning week for me!

Comparisons

Hello one and all! Back on track and will update every week or even twice a week as going through challenging but positive times! Well lets see now............I have been hounded for the 'little black outfit' updated photo's so here goes......Now and when I had already reduced my weight by 1.5 stone. This should give a true reflection of my transformation. Enjoy!






It was therefore quite a coincidence that in today's discussion we talked about changing BODY IMAGE! Getting used to a new body can take time! We did a little exercise showing how we perceive ourselves to look like. Taking a very large piece of paper - life size - we were asked to draw what we believed our bodies in reality look like. How scary as only 1 in the group of 4 actually drew a realistic version of herself. The rest of us drew bodies much larger and emphasised problem areas we used to have, but now no longer have. We then lay down on the paper and our actual size what then outlined against our initial drawing. WOW what a difference! Just shows you that our perception about ourselves can be really wrong and so we were obviously very pleased to see that we were actually a lot thinner than we thought we were. It is really difficult in photo's, even these above to really be able to show you the transformation. I look at these pictures and of course I can see a difference but not as much as you would be able to see if you saw me in person. One of my very good friends, who has been most encouraging and supportive the whole way through this experience, actually saw me in person the other day and said how shocked she was at how much I had changed. Even though she reads my blog every week and obviously see the pics, nothing is quite like seeing the actual person. This is similar to the way in which we see ourselves so here is a suggestion........get other people you trust to tell you what they see - honestly - and then describe yourself to them and do the same exercise we did above. You will be very surprised at the outcome!

I am now 13 stone 13 pounds and have just 1 stone and 13 pounds to go until I reach my personal goal of 12 stone or 76 kgs. My total weight reduction thus far is 72.8 pounds or 5 stone 2 pounds in 21 weeks. An average of 3.5 pounds per week. Not bad for someone who took a good 13 years to put it on! The weight is leveling off now but each week it reduces by a little more and therefore moving in the right direction. It takes some getting used to that it isn't falling off me like it did in the first 3 months of the programme and it can be easy to get disappointed, but you have to keep in mind what you have already achieved. Actually even though the weight is what is being measured, what we haven't done is measure ourselves for a while, as I know that I have reduced my inches as my size 16 is getting lose! I have even bought a skirt in a size 14 and had a dress adjusted to a size 14 so watch this space!

This week we are allowed pulses i.e. beans, peas and lentils - Yipeeeee. Not really as I didn't really eat many of them but am happy that I can have baked beans but not on toast or on a potato yet! I might try them on sweet potato as this we are allowed. Actually besides giving you embarrassing wind (not that I need any more windy problems as the food bars are constantly keeping me down wind from anyone!) pulses are rich in protein, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals and give you a healthy gut! They are low GI/GL so this is good.

Next week we start our TRIGGER weeks (weeks 8-12). This is when we reintroduce foods that could be the cause of our being overweight, staples, cheese, bread and sweets/chocolates. We will start next week with staples such as pasta, noodles, couscous, potatoes and rice. We have them for 6 days and then on the 7th you don't have any. This is to see how your body copes. It would be great to avoid having them all together, but we need to find out how our bodies react. Also this will be the most challenging time as emotionally these foods normally have all kinds of links. But for now I am dealing with one trigger food - fruit! Really trying to cut down on portion size so wish me luck!

A bit long in the tooth!

Sorry to all you hard going blog watchers who want constant updates, I have been a little down in the mouth or long in the tooth or something similar these past couple of weeks! I got the dreaded 'flu' so have been a little out of action.

I have also had a struggle making sure that I stick to the programme! For the most part I have been really good but with the flu and taking cough mixture (full of sugar) didn't stick too well for a couple of days. Also needed some carbs to settle the stomach as nothing else would help but got back onto the band wagon and thankfully didn't gain any weight over it!


Our group is struggling a bit at the moment as we are feeling demotivated, confused and let down. This is mostly due to such a diverse group with many people at very different stages of Route to Management, that the councilling is less specific and therefore not as focused. I think that you need a good councillor to facilitate this CHANGE which unfortunately you will not always get. It isn't easy to settle into a new mixed group if not only the dynamics of the groups change but you are also going through the most challenging times within the whole programme. What I have learnt is that you should question and challenge ideas or situations where you are not happy. One shouldn't complain and then do nothing about it, as this is about us at the end of the day and we pay money to get a certain level of what we believe, are the standards of services we expect. But then you realise that you are dealing with human nature. There are those that can deal with potential conflict or uneasy situations better than others. Then you get those who know how to manipulate the situation so that you never really get an solution and just more excuses of why things have to be a certain way even though it isn't working for US! Now that I have that off my chest, I believe in walking the talk..........................So what we have done to compensate this present situation is have additional 'table top' counselling by getting together outside of our weekly meeting and discuss how we are feeling and what is happening with going back onto certain foods. The more nitty gritty side of things! I believe this part of the programme is the most important and therefore if anything we should have far more focused counselling focusing on new challenges (which of course the book that we have given does) to really support the changes we are going through. Therefore lesson learnt - chose your group well and make sure that your councillor is what expect them to be.

We met up with some of the people from our group who carried on on the food abstinence part of the programme called Development. 4 week blocks of continued Foundation programme. Wow did they look great! Like me they had further weight reductions to achieve but I decided not to continue on the abstinence programme as the NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) recommends your should only do this type of programme for 12/14 weeks maximum. Now I know why........not only does it take quite a long time for your body to readjust to eating again - minimum 7 weeks, but mentally you will struggle much more when having to go back on eating food again. The fear of putting all the weight back on is very real and when you have been off food for so long, it can be VERY scary and the change can be more than some people are able to deal with. So think carefully before you decide to carry on longer than the recommended 12/14 weeks! There is a REASON for NICE's recommendations. At the end of the day it is each individuals choice but make sure that you make an informed choice and that you can deal with the potential outcome.

Now for the good news, we are week 6 of RTM and I have lost 7 pounds since I started this side of the programme. Just over a pound a week which I believe is reasonable. I have to say that obviously eating food once more has a direct impact on my weight reduction compared to other people on the group. Some have already lost another stone so a word of warning - if you reach your goal weight in Foundation or in Development (for those of you who have started the programme) you WILL reduce your weight further on RTM and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. They say that this part of the programme is not for weight loss but you will continue to lose weight (even if you do pick up a pound here or there).

Life is getting back to normal now and I am feeling the emotional pressure! Not planning my meals, letting emotional issues rule what I am eating and all those previous challenges have returned once more! You have to keep on top of it as it is very easy to just slip back into old habits. Remembering to drink your water is also not a priority anymore and I am having to really make sure that I am continuing to do this! The main reason being that we are allowed to drink alcohol now so mentally you just change one for the other - not a good idea! I am definitely going to have to watch the drinking thing as I think this is probably my 'trigger'. Not to say that I shouldn't have one every now and then but I can't drink like I used to and anyway it just isn't that good for you any more! Another thing that is pestering me at the moment is I have had my periods now for 3 long weeks and am exhausted as I have had PMT for that time too. It would appear that it takes your body a long time to adapt back to normal routine - up to 6 months I have been told! So lots going on! I really need all the support I can get as I still have another 6 weeks to go and as the weeks continue so we add in more of the 'trigger' type foods so keep those comments and e-mails coming!

As I have been feeling large, bloated and really sickly lately, I haven't done any photo's but I promise this Friday I will post some more 'black' pic's so that you can see where I am at. Challenging week ahead as really need to refocus on the programme and get these negative experiences out of my system and just focus on what is working for me!

Would love to hear from those of you who have started the programme or are about to! Take care and will update on Friday again!

Biker chick!

These photo was taken recently at a conference I attended in Leeds. We had the pleasure of being driven on these cruiser bikes by these rather charming 'maturer' men to the Emmerdale TV film set (not open to the public so a bit of a privilege if you actually watch Emmerdale - which I am afraid I don't).

Thought I would do a quick update on what me and a few others have been going through during the 3rd/4th week of our Route to management programme. Our weekly get together sessions have changed slightly in that we are not really 'learning' anything ground breaking but understanding what is happening to us mentally and physically. A few of us were discussing outside of our weekly session (we actually get more out of these chats than we do sometimes from the hour and half session) how each of us are experiencing different reactions both physically and mentally. This really highlights the fact that what may work for one person doesn't necessarily work for another! Sharing ideas is great and really helpful but it is not always that easy or relevant to one's specific circumstances. So the gist of it is as I see it, listen to what you are advised with an open mind and at least try things to find out if they work or not. Don't follow things blindly! I am constantly astonished at how people just follow what they are told without questioning it, researching it, trying it out and playing around with it! Adult - the state that we need to be when we are around food! Not child listening to those who think they know better and want to be 'helpful' by telling us what we ought be eating now (outside of the programmes guidelines). This programme is very specific and therefore it needs to be followed according to it's guidelines. Once we are fully back onto 3 meals a day we are still being advised to follow the GI or GL principles - which from my research are very good guidelines to work with.

I have found that fruit is a bit of a trigger for me as it has natural 'sugars' in it, so I am having to learn portion control with this one - not easy when you understand that it is healthy for you but everything in moderation! Hope you are all enjoying the sunny weather!

It is quite strange how people who supported me during my abstinence period are now less supportive as I am 'eating' again and to them that means I have finished the programme. NOT AT ALL! The next few months are the HARDEST and MOST DANGEROUS for me as it is much easier to slip back into old habits now than before. So keep the comments and positive feedback coming as this is so important in assisting with the long term success of what each of us are trying to achieve.

New photo's of me in black to follow next week (requested by popular demand!)

Another small mile stone reached

Well today I reached another goal I set myself and that was to reduce my weight by 5 stone or 32kg's and at last nights weigh in I reached that goal! I now weigh 89kg's which is still 15kg's more than I want too but am well on the road to getting down to a healthy size. I am a comfortable size 16 and really enjoying the feeling of a healthier lifestyle and still reducing my weight while reintroducing conventional food back into my diet.

I believe it is very important to constantly set yourself SMART goals so that it focuses you to working towards a result otherwise I personally find it hard to work out what I need to do in order to move forward. Reaching your goals is all about how realistically you are setting them and each victory is a "positive stroke" which helps you to stay motivated and gives you a sense of achievement. For me this is very important as previously I have not achieved many of the goals I set myself and therefore have felt a failure. When I look back now at why that happened I realised that the goals were unobtainable for several different reasons and therefore not realistic. Small steps as they say and it is so self motivating when one does achieve even a small goal. I keep a record of all my achievements daily such as:

• I drank my 3 litres of water today
• I didn't lapse (cheat)
• I walked 10 000 steps today
• I did well with my portion control
• I stopped eating when I was full
• I left food on my plate and I was ok with it
• I had a sip of wine but didn't have the glass

They may seem minor achievements but for me they are important as it constantly encourages me to move forward and enjoy what I am doing. It makes it exciting! Most people are used to how I look now so I don't get as many "wow you are looking wonderful" or "you have lost so much weight - you look great" as I did in my first 3 months. You don't realise how important it was to get those constant compliments on an ongoing basis as it keeps you motivated. This is not "real life" though and now you have to find other ways to motivate you each day.

Last week we were able to have certain vegetables (raw of course) with our meal and as snacks in addition to one main meal and 3 food packs. I found there were certain days where I couldn't finish all 3 food packs and the meal and others where I could have had 5 food packs and my meal! My body seems to be reacting to the conventional food in that I am getting "hungry", but I am learning to tell the difference between emotional hunger and real hunger! Not easy I have to say but this is what we have been doing for nearly 4 months now. This week we can introduce red meat and fruit. Both these I love but have to be careful of portions. We are recommended not to have red meat more than twice in a week and only certain fruits but only up to around 400grams a day (which is quiet a lot). We also get to have tomatoes so can now have tomato based sauces which is a relief as have been struggling a little with this. I am also interested to see what affect it will have on my body?

That's all for today.

Putting what you have learnt into practice!

Well what a week! The first week in 15 that I can actually eat conventional food! How excited and and terrified I was all at the same time. Suddenly I realised I had to cook again, go food shopping and most importantly plan my week. Abstinence was definitely easier!

So I had my first mouthful of roast chicken (without the skin or gravy) and it tasted just like I remembered it would. A little dry so I had some plain cottage cheese (I really like it now) with loads of black pepper. It was lovely! I really tried to eat slowly and concentrate on the taste and savour the moment. I have to say that it wasn't as exciting as I thought it might be but when you are just eating chicken and nothing else, what was I expecting?? The rest of the week went well, had some salmon, prawns, Quorn (when marinated it is delicious) and some more chicken. On day 3 we were allowed to add lettuce leaves and cabbage and as many spices and herbs as we liked. Really great to discover new methods of cooking (without oil) and so many new flavours. It is like eating for the first time! Had my first BBQ and really managed it well. Drank copious amounts of sparkling water, had chicken and salad and then some coffee. Had a great time without feeling full, eating any chips and dip and no hangover! Fantastic!

My biggest challenge was how much to eat, stop when I am full and how to then cope with the "emotional hunger" that follows. I have a few tips which I believe have really helped me cope this week with re-introducing food and not going "off the rails" which I believe will benefit all:

1 Drink a glass of water before you eat.
2 Put your knife and fork down between each mouthful.
3 Chew as long as possible.
4 Concentrate on what you are doing so do not read, watch TV or be distracted from your meal.
5 When the food does not taste as good as the first mouthful - stop eating!
6 You need far less than your eyes think you do so stop when you are full and if you don't "feel" full use point 5 as your guideline.
7 Remember that you still have 3 food packs that you need to eat so don't think this is your only meal!
8 Portion control!!!!!! Palm size of protein - not hand size (including fingers) just a palm size!
9 Use a small plate to start with and even though you can eat as much lettuce as you like - remember control and portion size even though it is very healthy - it will help you to set up good habits.
10 Do the same process every day for 30 days and it will become a habit!

It's all about putting into practice what we have been taught in theory over the past 3 months. I think we all realised that the old habits are still there but we now have the tools to change them. This week we get to add certain vegetables, yogurt and diet drinks to our shopping list but still just one conventional meal a day. We are reducing our water intake this week to just 3 litres as the more "real" food we add the less water we will need (loads in the food).

I have shed another 1.8 pounds on my first foodie week, so happy with that. I would still like to continue reducing my weight but it will now be very slow - maybe half a pound a week? There will be weeks were I am probably going to put on a pound of 3, as long as overall I am maintaining my current weight or reducing it I will be happy. I am now just 1 pound off 5 stone!

FIRST GOAL ACHIEVED! 100 DAYS!

Well can you believe it???? I have achieved my first goal and reached 100 days! When we were weighed on Wednesday evening my weight was 64.8 pounds or 30kgs. A 25 inch reduction! I have to say that I was feeling rather apprehensive, as I really wanted to reach 4.1/2 stone by the 100 days. I had 4.5 pounds to shed this last week to reach that goal and was not feeling positive about being able to do it, but I shed a wonderful 5.2 pounds. This not only helped me to achieve 4.1/2 stone but a further 2 pounds!!! It was still 2 days before the actual 100 days which was on Friday 27th April, so when I weighed myself on Friday my weight had fallen another pound and so had reached 4.10 stone which is just 4 pounds short of 5 stone! This sets me up nicely for the next phase of the programme as I will not have such weight reductions in the coming weeks.

I learnt something new today - a wise woman I met at a fare pointed out that the word "loss" means to lose something which is usually associated with a negative feeling or action. So I have decide to no longer use this word "loss" when associating it to my weight. I have gained so much and "lost" nothing except excess weight and all kinds of harmful health problems - which are positive things. A little saying I found "Within every loss lies the opportunity for gain and new beginnings." I will now use the word shed, departure, release, fall, reduction, emission and discharge - strange but probably more appropriate!

Here are the before and after pictures we were presented with. I probably should have worn trousers so that you could really compare but I think you get the point.




I feel wonderful! I wouldn't say that these are the most flattering pictures so when I have finished the next stage of the programme - 3 months - I am having a photo shoot done and will then hopefully have some really great shots to post.

As a group we have experience a weight reduction of over 430 pounds which means almost 3 whole average size people! Really amazing. Everyone shed at least 3 stone or more which I think is fantastic and why Lighter Life guarantees it!

Wednesday was also a sad time as this is when the group splits up into different groups, those that are continuing the food abstinence, those that are going onto route to management (which I am doing) and those that will leave the programme. I believe the next stage of the programme is probably the most difficult and by far the most challenging! We get to start eating conventional food again so it will be interesting to see how that works out.

That's it for now - I will post some more black outfit pics next week and share some interesting facts that I am researching at the moment regarding eating plans that are current available in the market place and how GI has moved onto GL.

I know I keep saying this but thank you sooooooooooo much to all my friends, family, work colleagues, group members and to strangers who have responded to my blogs, for all your love and support. I could not have done this without you!

I leave you with a few more summer shots and will catch up with you next week.

7 days to go!

A friend just sent me this picture from last year around September I think - I can't believe the difference!!!

This will be my last week on the 100 day food abstinence programme - the easy part! Lost another 2.4 pounds this week, even though my time of the month has come again! UGH......this programme can play havoc with your body! Not a great time to have 2 in one month as I really wanted to lose 4st7lbs in 100 days. I have 4.5 pounds to lose this week which will probably not be possible as I'm retaining water! Anyway 4 stone was my original goal and I have done better than that, so now any extra is a bonus! Now for some a size 16 (which is now very comfortable - roll on size 14!)is still a large size but with my height and build, it doesn't look like I need to lose another 3 stone overweight but looks more like I could lose just a few pounds. This is dangerous for me, as I said before, as you don't really see the weight creeping back on, so have learnt my lesson here!

Next week we have our final weigh in and measurements as well as our "after pictures" done - we have to get all dressed up - can't wait. It will really be interesting to visually see the difference. I will post them on the blog. I will do my black top and trouser shots too so that you can see how much I have lost.

I am excited about going onto the next stage of the programme but apprehensive at the same time. I do still have another 3 stone to lose and you get quite addicted to the feeling that you are losing weight each week. This will stop in the next phase of the programme as not only will I start to slow the weight loss down tremendously but I could even pick up a few (this is due to your body re-adjusting itself to conventional food). During the next 3 months the "fat stores" around your organs that are necessary for survival need to be replaced therefore I could pick up a few pounds. Having read a few other "blogs" of people who have gone onto Route to Management, it was evident that they went through many ups and downs and really needed support far more so than during the first 100 days. As you come out of "ketosis" by eating any conventional food, which is the state that the body is in now - eating itself, natural hunger will return!

By the end of the 3 months to follow, I am hoping to have lost between 5 and 6 stone or around 35-40kgs. My wonderful husband has promised to pay for a trip to America once I have reached 5 stone weight loss - so I have told him he had better start planning now as I am not too far off it! He is away at the moment and I am missing him so much - not felt quite this alone for a while as he has been my rock through each day.

Working from home two days a week can be challenging if you have done all your work and are not stuffing your face with either breakfast, lunch or dinner! Boredom I think plays the biggest role in excessive weight gain for me and so I am looking for other things that I can be doing such as exercise, visiting friends, movies, gardening etc. to try and keep me busy. I really do need to find hobbies that are long term so that it keeps me occupied!

One major benefit I am having from this whole process is what other people are getting from my "pursuit of happiness" blog. I have had a number of people that I have never met before e-mail me to find out more about what I am doing. If my blog can inspire just one other person to also take charge of their life and receive just some of the benefits I have from this whole process, it makes it even more worthwhile! I will keep saying this as I believe the sharing of our challenges in life and the support and encouragement we can offer each other, is key to success of programmes such as Lighter Life. It is not just what we get during our weekly sessions but the " kitchen table counselling" we do! So keep commenting and e-mailing as this more than anything keeps us focused and on track! One more week to go!!!!!!

What a GOAL!

Hello everyone! Firstly THANK YOU to all who read and comment on my blog, your support and constant encouragement is VITAL to my success in achieving the 4 STONE and 2 pounds I have now lost! The best thing of all is how I am feeling - excited, fantastic, happy and have a skip in my step now. I have now run out of black slacks to wear for my "black outfit" pictures so had some leggings which actually fitted- a little snug! This is the 3rd time I have to buy new ones for work - good to find a cheap shop so that it doesn't cost too much!

4 Stone was my goal when I started this programme so I have achieved it within 84 days with a further 16 days still to go. This means I lost an average of 4.6 pounds (2.1kgs) per week. Even more amazing is the 23 inches (7 from my chest, 7 from my waist and 9 from my hips) I have shrunk. Today I was able to get into a size 16 - dropped 4 dress sizes, which

I haven't done since I was 25! With temperatures reaching 25 degrees today I can wear great fitting summer clothes. I have renewed energy and joy that comes from having achieved the largest challenge of my life. There is still so much more work to do but now anything is now possible. I am really looking forward to making further changes and getting my BMI to a healthy range.

I visited my renal specialist to check my blood pressure and kidney function and he was delighted to reduce my medication by half due to my improved health. I have suggested to him that he should recommend Lighter Life and other similar programmes to patients like me who have struggled with our weight for many years, instead of just saying "you really do need to lose weight" every time I saw him. I am not sure he liked that but I don't care, as he should be more proactive in recommending real solutions to his clients! He did say that he wanted me to move back to conventional food as soon as possible so this fits in with my original plans to move into the next phase, Route to Management. I am really excited about it not just because we can eat food again but we will be learning more about planning, processes, coping mechanisms, affirmations, achievements, decision making, fear, lapsing, addiction, deprivation, change and healthier eating. It is possible to still lose weight during this phase of the programme but the main focus is on finding a balance and maintaining one's progress.

At the end of the 100 days I will post my before and after photo's for those of you who keep asking, so watch out for them on the 28th of April.

Games and how we play them!

Interesting week as I stepped up the exercise and increased the water intake to a minimum of 6 litres a day. When we were weighed this week I was surprised that I had lost just 1.8 pounds because I felt I had lost inches as my stomach is flatter and legs a little firmer. Having thought about it I put it down to last weeks "time of the month" (water retention), increased water by 1.5 ltrs per day and muscle weighs more than fat?? Anyway I have now lost 3 stone 8 pounds. Really working hard to achieve 4 stone by the end of this section of the programme.

This week we learnt about "games". This refers to the Drama (Game) Triangle that we all do everyday in one way or another. There are 3 main roles in the game - persecutor, rescuer and victim. Interestingly we are all very much all three and can change from one to the other in a single game. Why are we talking about this in this week? We need to start recognising familiar patterns and feelings and change them. Understanding the payoff when we play each of roles. We need to stop discounting (ignoring information) ourselves and other people and realise we can solve any problem and we can do it OURSELVES. We are responsible for our own actions and no one else! Don't blame others (stop persecuting) no matter how much you believe that your current state is someone else's fault! Don't blame yourself or take all the responsibility. Games always take two or more people to play with (stop being the victim). You can be vulnerable and need support, respond appropriately with out discounting and be Potent and not persecutory. Remember not to do and think for others when they have not openly and reasonably asked for your help (stop rescuing). Learnt a lot from this weeks session and really going to see what games I end up playing - should be a busy week!

What matters!

"The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach".

Today is about setting my final goal. It is about whether I continue with the "abstinence" programme or move onto the next phase of Lighter Life that re-introduceS conventional food. My husband reminded me that my over goal had been to initially 'kick start' my weight loss through this programme and that my intention was alwasy to move quickly back into how to manage myself around conventional food and lose the balance of the weight in a more 'natural' way. I know that this may sound rather strange but for someone who has to lose 80 pounds or just shy of 6 stone, I was not planning to achieve it just through the abstinence. Having now lost nearly 4 stone and hopefully by the end of the 100 days another stone, I will be close to my goal. In the next phase of the programme called Route to Management, you are still on food packs but slowly reintroducing conventional food back into your diet. You can still lose another stone during this period but obviously not as quickly.

My husband will be delighted that we can start eating new types of meals together! He has been soooooooo supportive through this whole process and kept me on the short and narrow! I am lucky to have such a supportive partner as I know that not all of us have had the luxury! For his unfailing support and constant positive motivation I am eternally grateful! He did say though that he didn't realise how big I had become as he sees me every day but we both made a pact that he will not allow me to gain any of the weight back and that our lifestyle will change to support that. What more could I ask for?? My sister and my parents as well as my work colleagues and lodgers have been great and really helped me to achieve these goals! THANK YOU!

My research regarding the how healthy it would be to continue on abstinence thus far has indicated that this is not advisable.....Go to the following link for the report I found regarding this. Makes for interesting reading - a small snippet of the report............

"Follow 16 Week Advice......Finally, if you really want to try the Lighter Life Programme, I suggest you follow the advice of the National Obesity Forum and stick to the programme for a maximum of 16 weeks. After this time, have a break where you eat a healthy, balanced diet with a moderate calorie restriction for several months, before then embarking on the Foodpacks again – if you can face them! It also concerns me that people in the Lighter Life programme often follow a VLCD (very low calorie diet)for more than 16 weeks. There are very good reasons why the National Obesity Forum has this guideline in place and it seems irresponsible to ignore this advice."

Full report can be read at the following address:

www.weightlossresources.co.uk/diet/lighter_life_diet.htm

In addition to this report which refers to the National Obesity Forum, it clearly states that they do not feel that it is advisable to do it longer than 16 weeks!

So my final decision is this - after the 100 days I will be moving onto the next phase of the Lighter Life programme and start re-introducing conventional food. Yippppeeeee! I am happy with this decision and have not made it lightly.

30 days to go

It has been a more difficult week these past few days as I really struggled to drink the minimum of 4 litres of water a day! Not sure why but know that the more I drink the more weight I lose. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the weight loss is no longer the main focus thus associating it with the amount of water I am drinking??? Having said that it is "that time of the month" and I have been feeling the usual bloatedness, tired and moody self. I was pleased though as I did lose another 2.6 pounds which is the most I have lost during this predictable time of the month - normally 1.5 to 2 pounds maximum. Also I have started gym which for my health is great but you do tend to pick up the pounds as muscle weights more than fat. I would rather look toned and be fit than.

We have lost a few more members of our group either due to them being close to their goal weight already or personal circumstances. I feel that the people in our group and the weekly meetings have really brought I close together and many of us are still very focused and committed to the programme. We have 30 DAYS left of our 100 day 1st phase of the programme and we have all decided to give it our best shot so that we make the most of it. We were discussing the options of going onto additional phases in the programme or extending the "food abstinence" programme for another 4 weeks at a time. Each person has to decide for themselves what is the right solution for them. I personally feel that I would like to start re-introducing conventional food back into my life so that I can see I cope around "real food". At the same time I will probably still have another 3 stone to lose after I finish the 100 days, but I am comfortable with that as I am in it for the long term and will continue to lose weight with the next phase even though it may be considerably slower as my body adjusts to conventional food again. I will have to make a final decision closer to the time as I don't want to rush this decision. The last stretch now so really trying to stay focused and positive and just work mainly on my "crocked thinking"!